Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
There's an ACTOR when there's an AUDIENCE
Some adults think that children do not know anything.
I think children are very smart, extremely flexible and possess tireless energy.
Adam Khoo once shared with us:
A mother was very afraid to bring her child to toy department.
Every time her child asked her to buy a toy and she refused, her child would throw a huge tantrum on the spot - crying, rolling on the floor, shouting and flinging things around. Her mother had to pull him out of the place. Despite the coaxing, scolding and beating, her child still repeatedly exhibit the same pattern to get what he wants.
So, Adam taught the helpless mother a strategy and asked her to test it out.
The next time the mother brought her child to a toy department, he began the same pattern again.
The mother started crying, rolling on the floor, shouting, messing up her hair and throwing things around. The child actually went silence, panicked and then pulled her mother out of the place! He thought his mother has gone crazy.
Ever since that episode, he never throws a tantrum again at the toy department, fearing that his mother will go "mad" again.
Yes! Adam's strategy is....Throw A Bigger Tantrum Than Him.
Whoever that is more flexible will take control of the situation.
In order to influence our children, we need to be MORE flexible than them and do things beyond their imagination...
Every Child Deserves To Be A STAR!!
Don't blindly follow the social norm.
Uncover your child's natural talent and he/she will shine so brightly that we'll be dazzled.
CASE STUDIES #2: Sending RIGHT and CLEAR signal
Last Sunday I was dining with my father at a foodcourt.
At the next table, two boys were running around, shouting and shoving each other. Their father sat at the table, looked away and ignored the ruckus.
"When you all (referring to my siblings and I) behaved like that in the past, I'd sure whack. I cannot tolerate this kind of behaviour," commented my dad.
That sets me thinking:
Is that why we KNOW what is the appropriate behaviour?
Is that why some students will make noise and walk around when lesson is going on while others know when to do the right things at the right time?
By ignoring their negative patterns, are parents signaling that their behaviour is acceptable?
A few years ago, I taught a teenage girl. She is very smart and was from a top school. At 13-year-old, she had a boyfriend who is much older than her. On one hand, her parents expressed strong objection to the relationship to us. On the other hand, according to the girl, her parents invited the boy to her house and even had outings together with her and her boyfriend.
Maybe her parents are doing this to keep watch of her movements. Maybe her parents did not tell her CLEARLY what they REALLY feel, fearing that it might break their bond. However, to the girl, she felt that her parents are approving of her relationship.
Maybe it is because the RIGHT MESSAGE was NOT COMMUNICATED properly, the girl became an unwed mother at the age of 14.
At the next table, two boys were running around, shouting and shoving each other. Their father sat at the table, looked away and ignored the ruckus.
"When you all (referring to my siblings and I) behaved like that in the past, I'd sure whack. I cannot tolerate this kind of behaviour," commented my dad.
That sets me thinking:
Is that why we KNOW what is the appropriate behaviour?
Is that why some students will make noise and walk around when lesson is going on while others know when to do the right things at the right time?
By ignoring their negative patterns, are parents signaling that their behaviour is acceptable?
A few years ago, I taught a teenage girl. She is very smart and was from a top school. At 13-year-old, she had a boyfriend who is much older than her. On one hand, her parents expressed strong objection to the relationship to us. On the other hand, according to the girl, her parents invited the boy to her house and even had outings together with her and her boyfriend.
Maybe her parents are doing this to keep watch of her movements. Maybe her parents did not tell her CLEARLY what they REALLY feel, fearing that it might break their bond. However, to the girl, she felt that her parents are approving of her relationship.
Maybe it is because the RIGHT MESSAGE was NOT COMMUNICATED properly, the girl became an unwed mother at the age of 14.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
CASE STUDIES #1: Stop it at the beginning
One day, a teen came to our place with an earring on his left ear.
Our trainer stopped him at the door, asked him to remove that earring at the door before entering our premises. At the end of the day, we fed back to the parent about his earring.
His parents said, "Never mind lah. Just one only."
As weeks went by, we noticed that the teen started to have more and more piercing on his face - tongue, cheek, below the lips, at the brows, nose and at the back of the wrist.
The scary thing is that these piercings were not done by professional but DIY at his friend's house!
Then, his parents came to us for help. They want us to help stop his piercing.
It is too late. It should be stopped right at the beginning.
Our trainer stopped him at the door, asked him to remove that earring at the door before entering our premises. At the end of the day, we fed back to the parent about his earring.
His parents said, "Never mind lah. Just one only."
As weeks went by, we noticed that the teen started to have more and more piercing on his face - tongue, cheek, below the lips, at the brows, nose and at the back of the wrist.
The scary thing is that these piercings were not done by professional but DIY at his friend's house!
Then, his parents came to us for help. They want us to help stop his piercing.
It is too late. It should be stopped right at the beginning.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Success Secret #1: Rid the "I Don't Know" Disease
Our brain constantly holds internal dialogues (questioning and answering) to lead us to figure things out.
Just like now, some of you might be asking yourself "Do I?" internally as you read the sentence above.
Some of my students have the habit of shrugging off questions or just replying "I don't know" even before thinking. Those who have contracted a severe case of "I Don't Know" Disease tend to leave their examination questions blank or just pluck numbers and calculate anyhow.
Whenever we say "I don't know", it's actually telling our brain to STOP THINKING. Hence, when it is done frequently, it prevents the brain from growing and form new neuro-connections. Learning becomes increasingly challenging.
When faced with a Math word problem, one tends to run a series of questions in his mind:
"What is the question asking for?"
"Which method or strategy can I use?"
"Is this method effective?"
"Have I seen similar question before?"
"What are the steps involved?"
For students who are good learners, they answer their own questions which will eventually help them to solve the word problem. This questioning-and-answering process happen in split seconds. Hence, it may appear that they solved the question without thinking!!
However, students who have the "I Don't Know" Disease have programmed their brain to answer "I don't know" in default. As this process happens in split seconds, it can be quite challenging to control themselves when it has already become a habit. Once they said the three words to themselves, the brain shuts down and stops thinking.
Here are some examples how this disease is encouraged:
FIRST DAY AT A WORKSHOP (Parent brings child to the room.)
Parent: Boy, where you want to sit.
Child: Here.
Parent: Aiyo... it's under the air-con. Very cold. Sit where?
Child: There.
Parent: Too far from the trainer. Where you want to sit?
Child: I don't know.
AT A FOOD COURT
Parent: Girl what you want to eat?
Child: Chicken rice.
Parent: So oily, not good.
Child: Laksa
Parent: Don't eat that at night. What do you want?
Child: I don't know.
When a child starts saying "I don't know", "whatever" or "anything" in their daily lives, it will start showing up in their learning as they are faced with more challenging thinking process. A child who does not have the habit of making choices, is usually quiet and of lower self-confidence and these will give the disease a chance to flourish.
PS: To balance between control and freedom to choose, parents can limit their choices like "Girl, do you want fishball noodles, wanton mee or duck rice?"
PPS: How do I help my students rid the disease? That will be revealed in further entries.
Just like now, some of you might be asking yourself "Do I?" internally as you read the sentence above.
Some of my students have the habit of shrugging off questions or just replying "I don't know" even before thinking. Those who have contracted a severe case of "I Don't Know" Disease tend to leave their examination questions blank or just pluck numbers and calculate anyhow.
Whenever we say "I don't know", it's actually telling our brain to STOP THINKING. Hence, when it is done frequently, it prevents the brain from growing and form new neuro-connections. Learning becomes increasingly challenging.
When faced with a Math word problem, one tends to run a series of questions in his mind:
"What is the question asking for?"
"Which method or strategy can I use?"
"Is this method effective?"
"Have I seen similar question before?"
"What are the steps involved?"
For students who are good learners, they answer their own questions which will eventually help them to solve the word problem. This questioning-and-answering process happen in split seconds. Hence, it may appear that they solved the question without thinking!!
However, students who have the "I Don't Know" Disease have programmed their brain to answer "I don't know" in default. As this process happens in split seconds, it can be quite challenging to control themselves when it has already become a habit. Once they said the three words to themselves, the brain shuts down and stops thinking.
Here are some examples how this disease is encouraged:
FIRST DAY AT A WORKSHOP (Parent brings child to the room.)
Parent: Boy, where you want to sit.
Child: Here.
Parent: Aiyo... it's under the air-con. Very cold. Sit where?
Child: There.
Parent: Too far from the trainer. Where you want to sit?
Child: I don't know.
AT A FOOD COURT
Parent: Girl what you want to eat?
Child: Chicken rice.
Parent: So oily, not good.
Child: Laksa
Parent: Don't eat that at night. What do you want?
Child: I don't know.
When a child starts saying "I don't know", "whatever" or "anything" in their daily lives, it will start showing up in their learning as they are faced with more challenging thinking process. A child who does not have the habit of making choices, is usually quiet and of lower self-confidence and these will give the disease a chance to flourish.
PS: To balance between control and freedom to choose, parents can limit their choices like "Girl, do you want fishball noodles, wanton mee or duck rice?"
PPS: How do I help my students rid the disease? That will be revealed in further entries.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Unfair Advantage #2: Creating a Linguistic Genius!
This is an interesting fact that I've heard from Dr Ken Gibson when I went to Colorado, US to learn more about cognitive abilities.
He shared with us: When a child is 3 to 7 months old, his brain begins wiring on his linguistic skills. If he is exposed to certain languages (like listening to cds in those languages) during this period of time, he will be able to master these languages 7 times faster than his peers when he grows up!
So, which language do you want your child to master in order for him to have the special advantage in this globalised economy?
PS: I'll write more on cognitive abilities and how they impact learning. Stay tune!
He shared with us: When a child is 3 to 7 months old, his brain begins wiring on his linguistic skills. If he is exposed to certain languages (like listening to cds in those languages) during this period of time, he will be able to master these languages 7 times faster than his peers when he grows up!
So, which language do you want your child to master in order for him to have the special advantage in this globalised economy?
PS: I'll write more on cognitive abilities and how they impact learning. Stay tune!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Unfair Advantage #1: Molding the subconscious mind
I met up with a friend who studied psychology previously. She was facing certain challenge in expressing her true feelings to people who are close and deemed important to her.
After some probing, she revealed that she was a rejected child in her early childhood. Her mother was pinning for a boy but was disappointed to have a girl. So her mother sent her to a nanny, who was caring for many other kids, and never visited her. Even though she was "accepted" back in the family at the age of 6-7 year old, her sense of insecurity and fear of rejection stayed with her even when she enters adulthood.
My friend shared something that she was taught in her course of study: Usually a person remember the least about the happenings at age 0-6. But it is during this period that many of the things the child learnt or experienced are embedded into the subconscious mind and have long term effect on his/her life.
Now you are aware of this golden age of 0-6!! And you want your child to be a successful person!
Share with him/her more stories of successful people: how they think and live their lives, how they overcome challenges and achieve their goals. Let these be embedded in their mind.
Surround your child with stories on important life values, like filial piety, or correct social ethics. Let them be equipped them with a strong sense of right and wrong.
For a start, share this story of Helen Keller with them.
After some probing, she revealed that she was a rejected child in her early childhood. Her mother was pinning for a boy but was disappointed to have a girl. So her mother sent her to a nanny, who was caring for many other kids, and never visited her. Even though she was "accepted" back in the family at the age of 6-7 year old, her sense of insecurity and fear of rejection stayed with her even when she enters adulthood.
My friend shared something that she was taught in her course of study: Usually a person remember the least about the happenings at age 0-6. But it is during this period that many of the things the child learnt or experienced are embedded into the subconscious mind and have long term effect on his/her life.
Now you are aware of this golden age of 0-6!! And you want your child to be a successful person!
Share with him/her more stories of successful people: how they think and live their lives, how they overcome challenges and achieve their goals. Let these be embedded in their mind.
Surround your child with stories on important life values, like filial piety, or correct social ethics. Let them be equipped them with a strong sense of right and wrong.
For a start, share this story of Helen Keller with them.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Nature versus Nurture
To me, children are like blank pieces of paper. They become what we drew on them. No two is identical (not even twin).
Every day I interacted with different kids.
Some are well-mannered; some are insolent.
Some make friends easily; some often become target of others' teasing/bullying.
Some are confident; some are timid and quiet.
Some are always wearing a smile; some talk to people as though the whole world has done them wrong.
Some are energetic and live life with enthusiasm; some like to disappear in the background and hope to be invisible.
I always wonder what kind of growing-up environment produces certain traits in a child. Who are the people he/she mingles with, idolises and learns from while growing up? What did these people show and educate him/her about the world, life and success?
Nurturing a child is not only about teaching him what he should or should not do. The environment plays a very important influencing factor.
I remember when I was about 4 or 5 year old (before I started schooling), my mother always had a hard time getting my elder sister to study or complete her school work. My sister was a reluctant learner and is someone with a strong mind of her own. Almost everyday when she returned from school, the homework time would end up to be a shouting match and caning drama in the study room.
Maybe it is because teaching my sister is exhausting or that I had not started schooling yet, my mother often left to play with my own toys and be a quiet audience of this daily drama.
At that time, I asked myself:
Do I want to be caned and screamed at frequently over homework?
Do I want to see my mother angry, tired and upset?
Do I want to spend like one hour resisting, shouting and crying while the task can be completed in say 15min?
The answer is a very definite NO!
So when I started schooling, I would complete my schoolwork the first thing I came home. Indeed, after a short period of monitoring, my mother did not bother me at all in my studies and let me plan my own play time. I tested the strategy and it works! I had gotten what I want - freedom to play, by giving my mother what she wants first. My study habit first started as a "preventive measure" but when I keep getting positive feedback (praises, freedom and good results), I continue to apply the same strategy and begin to enjoy learning.
My environment then caused me to be who I am today.
What impacts would it have on a child if he grows up seeing his parents continually enjoy learning, being discipline in achieving their goals, always striving to stretch beyond their comfort zone, being kind and doing good towards others?
Similarly, what would a child conclude and start believing when he often sees his parents quarrelling, complaining about being victimised by others or not treating the maid with respect?
What is your child learning from the environment you have created for him now?
PS: My sister has become a very talented pianist now. I'm so proud of her!
Every day I interacted with different kids.
Some are well-mannered; some are insolent.
Some make friends easily; some often become target of others' teasing/bullying.
Some are confident; some are timid and quiet.
Some are always wearing a smile; some talk to people as though the whole world has done them wrong.
Some are energetic and live life with enthusiasm; some like to disappear in the background and hope to be invisible.
I always wonder what kind of growing-up environment produces certain traits in a child. Who are the people he/she mingles with, idolises and learns from while growing up? What did these people show and educate him/her about the world, life and success?
Nurturing a child is not only about teaching him what he should or should not do. The environment plays a very important influencing factor.
I remember when I was about 4 or 5 year old (before I started schooling), my mother always had a hard time getting my elder sister to study or complete her school work. My sister was a reluctant learner and is someone with a strong mind of her own. Almost everyday when she returned from school, the homework time would end up to be a shouting match and caning drama in the study room.
Maybe it is because teaching my sister is exhausting or that I had not started schooling yet, my mother often left to play with my own toys and be a quiet audience of this daily drama.
At that time, I asked myself:
Do I want to be caned and screamed at frequently over homework?
Do I want to see my mother angry, tired and upset?
Do I want to spend like one hour resisting, shouting and crying while the task can be completed in say 15min?
The answer is a very definite NO!
So when I started schooling, I would complete my schoolwork the first thing I came home. Indeed, after a short period of monitoring, my mother did not bother me at all in my studies and let me plan my own play time. I tested the strategy and it works! I had gotten what I want - freedom to play, by giving my mother what she wants first. My study habit first started as a "preventive measure" but when I keep getting positive feedback (praises, freedom and good results), I continue to apply the same strategy and begin to enjoy learning.
My environment then caused me to be who I am today.
What impacts would it have on a child if he grows up seeing his parents continually enjoy learning, being discipline in achieving their goals, always striving to stretch beyond their comfort zone, being kind and doing good towards others?
Similarly, what would a child conclude and start believing when he often sees his parents quarrelling, complaining about being victimised by others or not treating the maid with respect?
What is your child learning from the environment you have created for him now?
PS: My sister has become a very talented pianist now. I'm so proud of her!
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