Nature versus Nurture

To me, children are like blank pieces of paper. They become what we drew on them. No two is identical (not even twin).

Every day I interacted with different kids.

Some are well-mannered; some are insolent.
Some make friends easily; some often become target of others' teasing/bullying.
Some are confident; some are timid and quiet.
Some are always wearing a smile; some talk to people as though the whole world has done them wrong.
Some are energetic and live life with enthusiasm; some like to disappear in the background and hope to be invisible.

I always wonder what kind of growing-up environment produces certain traits in a child. Who are the people he/she mingles with, idolises and learns from while growing up? What did these people show and educate him/her about the world, life and success?

Nurturing a child is not only about teaching him what he should or should not do. The environment plays a very important influencing factor.

I remember when I was about 4 or 5 year old (before I started schooling), my mother always had a hard time getting my elder sister to study or complete her school work. My sister was a reluctant learner and is someone with a strong mind of her own. Almost everyday when she returned from school, the homework time would end up to be a shouting match and caning drama in the study room.

Maybe it is because teaching my sister is exhausting or that I had not started schooling yet, my mother often left to play with my own toys and be a quiet audience of this daily drama.

At that time, I asked myself:
Do I want to be caned and screamed at frequently over homework?
Do I want to see my mother angry, tired and upset?
Do I want to spend like one hour resisting, shouting and crying while the task can be completed in say 15min?

The answer is a very definite NO!

So when I started schooling, I would complete my schoolwork the first thing I came home. Indeed, after a short period of monitoring, my mother did not bother me at all in my studies and let me plan my own play time. I tested the strategy and it works! I had gotten what I want - freedom to play, by giving my mother what she wants first. My study habit first started as a "preventive measure" but when I keep getting positive feedback (praises, freedom and good results), I continue to apply the same strategy and begin to enjoy learning.

My environment then caused me to be who I am today.

What impacts would it have on a child if he grows up seeing his parents continually enjoy learning, being discipline in achieving their goals, always striving to stretch beyond their comfort zone, being kind and doing good towards others?

Similarly, what would a child conclude and start believing when he often sees his parents quarrelling, complaining about being victimised by others or not treating the maid with respect?

What is your child learning from the environment you have created for him now?


PS: My sister has become a very talented pianist now. I'm so proud of her!